Post by Adelle Bastiel on Nov 17, 2015 18:59:32 GMT -8
Adelle curled tighter into herself, shaking and crying as every death played out in front of her all over again. She shouldn't have gone back. Shouldn't have let herself get separated from Lita and Jago. From Arnelos. She'd known Krayt was baiting her and she still rushed blindly into it. No, not blindly. She knew. She knew. Vinaara Ja's voice sounded lightyears away.
How could this woman stay so calm? Didn't she see the blood on Adelle's hands, her name? She could feel her skin sliding off, tiny insectoid feet running up her throat and gathering in her mouth. Adelle jerked to the side and vomited on the floor, her body trying to rid itself of those shining black bodies with blood red wings. She sat there, shaking, unable to think or move beyond sobbing and gasping for air. A gentle touch landed on her knee, almost so soft she didn't realize it. She heard Ja speak through water to her.
Still shaking like a leaf, Adelle knotted her hands in the bed sheets, gripping them so hard her knuckles turned white. Breathe. It had been ages since she'd been able to tell herself that. In. She smelled caf, full of heat and earth; her vomit, citric and sickly sweet; Ja, her presence emanating jasmine and spice and a rhythm so very like a heartbeat. Out. Adelle focused on the rhythm, trying to slow her breathing to match it. The throbbing in her ears faded, while the rock in the pit of her stomach stayed, threatening to heave again. She pressed her lips together and inhaled through her nose.
Adelle flinched and sniffed through a sob, turning her head away. She worked her jaw, her tongue heavy and thick like marble. Her mouth opened and shut, and opened again as she worked through sobs to form words.
"I went back," she croaked finally. "I couldn't stand it. I had to know. What . . . what had happened. I went back and they're . . . He . . . I shouldn't have gone back!"
Pain like a knife pierced her heart and she felt the grief all over again. Try as she might, she couldn't hold back the tears. Ja had touched something raw and vulnerable and Adelle had no defenses against it.
Breathe, Adelle. In . . . Out . . . Refocus on me.
How could this woman stay so calm? Didn't she see the blood on Adelle's hands, her name? She could feel her skin sliding off, tiny insectoid feet running up her throat and gathering in her mouth. Adelle jerked to the side and vomited on the floor, her body trying to rid itself of those shining black bodies with blood red wings. She sat there, shaking, unable to think or move beyond sobbing and gasping for air. A gentle touch landed on her knee, almost so soft she didn't realize it. She heard Ja speak through water to her.
Use my touch as your anchor. You are in your suite and you are safe.
Still shaking like a leaf, Adelle knotted her hands in the bed sheets, gripping them so hard her knuckles turned white. Breathe. It had been ages since she'd been able to tell herself that. In. She smelled caf, full of heat and earth; her vomit, citric and sickly sweet; Ja, her presence emanating jasmine and spice and a rhythm so very like a heartbeat. Out. Adelle focused on the rhythm, trying to slow her breathing to match it. The throbbing in her ears faded, while the rock in the pit of her stomach stayed, threatening to heave again. She pressed her lips together and inhaled through her nose.
You need to tell me why you feel so guilty. Don't give me any of the details about the event itself. Not now. Just talk around it, and take me through why you feel the way you do... and, while you tell me, focus on your breathing. Remember: in and out. Slowly. Evenly.
Adelle flinched and sniffed through a sob, turning her head away. She worked her jaw, her tongue heavy and thick like marble. Her mouth opened and shut, and opened again as she worked through sobs to form words.
"I went back," she croaked finally. "I couldn't stand it. I had to know. What . . . what had happened. I went back and they're . . . He . . . I shouldn't have gone back!"
Pain like a knife pierced her heart and she felt the grief all over again. Try as she might, she couldn't hold back the tears. Ja had touched something raw and vulnerable and Adelle had no defenses against it.
