Corrupt A Wish

Congrats, video games are now indeed real life. Zombies, space pirates, and reapers swarm the earth, you have no idea how to use or maintain the simplest weapons, rings don't give you super speed and fire flowers only burn your tongue. Somehow, you barely manage to survive any encounters with the ruthless enemies. You crawl under a desk and curl up in the fetal position, having seen horrors that cannot be unseen. Eventually, the zombies find you and tear you apart while you are still alive until only your head remains. You yourself are turned into a zombie, moaning miserably and starving until centuries later, some survivor stumbles across your head and shoots it.

I wish the semester was over already.

You have super strength... but you can't control it. You break the door to your home every time you enter, you break your door and steering wheel every time you climb into your car, and you can't even hold coffee mugs. Let's not talk about the eggs you wanted to have for breakfast. Every touch you give another person bruises them. You break the hand of the employer who *was* going to hire you. You crush your sister when you hug her. Your lover... irreparably damaged for life and gone from your arms. You sit on your broken bed and intend to end everything with a single bullet... but you break the gun. You die of old age, alone and feared.

I wish I could make good movies.

You do and can. Too bad you don't know how to land.

I wish I had a job.

You get your day off. Actually, you get the rest of your life off. You've been fired.

I wish Metallica would stop making music.

You do but you accidentally blow the ear drums of all the key players on the Leafs

I wish for bacon.

You can Surf, look at that your surfing the web right now! You however never specificaly asked to have the ability to surf on a surfboard or gain any skills in any other watersports activities. The planet floods, but at least you can surf on the internets..

I wish for a White Phial, which holds the Elixer of Life.

You are never alone. The clowns will see to that.

I wish my chair wasn't so wobbly.

Dinosaurs still roam the Earth, which is to bad because they have evolved much the same way humans have and we have our lizard humanoid hybrids as well as allof the worlds most dangerous and fearful Dinosaurs while you are a small marsupial in a hole.

I wish that Devlin would cut himself with his tonfas

Anime never existed. Unfortunately, nerds across the globe become obsessed with Russian animation. It is considerably worse.

I wish the Internet was faster out here.