Whiskey and Philosophy

They ate in silence a few minutes before she gestured at him with her fork. "Well, getting caught by my folks isn't necessarily as bad as getting caught by Sparky and those rat bastards who wanted to blow you apart. However, being the Emperor means I come with a fairly substantial security team. Me being able to sneak away like this will be few and far between. I'm betting if I checked my comlink right now, I'd have a notification of a search party being sent to locate me as I seem to have slipped my detail."

She had finished picking through her breakfast, putting the plate aside. She stood up, and took his empty plate and set it on the table behind her. She straddled his lap, burying her knees into the cushions, a very matter of fact look in her eyes as she crossed her arms in front of her. "I want to get a couple things straight. I know you don't have a long time left. I expect you to live your life to the fullest, with or without me. If you show up at my place, I'm going to assume that's where you want to be. I don't expect anything from you. If I want to be with you, that's where I'll be. I don't want to have to guess about this. I don't want to have to think about it. I just want to be."

"Well An Tiarna wanted to keep me on a pedestal, Rev likes to love me and leave me for long periods of time to avoid the complications of Sith politics. Never leaving my side will definitely draw the attention of those you wanted to avoid. Not to mention, we're both gonna need our space."

His newness to the realm of dating and relationships notwithstanding, she could see the beginnings of something more in his eyes. She had showed him a piece of the human condition he had been lacking, intimacy and affection without an agenda or a goal in mind. She was far more reticent to admit to feeling more than deep caring for him. He was going to die soon. And that death would leave her alone again, just as she had been before. The cold comfort of the Empire to occupy her days; the infrequent visits of a transient lover. This was a the life that was waiting down the line for her. Why not give into the possibility of something deeper? It's not like he could die before the appointed day? If someone should try to take her out, then so be it. Perhaps eternity in chaos would grant them more than 300 days. But she refused to consider that at the moment. Right now, she was tired and full of breakfast and she wanted to sleep, and feel safe before she had to fly across the galaxy back to the marble halls of Kuat. She stood up from the couch, pulling him along with her, leading him back into the windowless room. "Let's get some sleep and worry about the rest of this when we wake up."

She curled up in the covers, leaving room for him next to her. Sleep found her quickly, her breathing slow and rhythmic as she forgot her burdens just for a little while longer.

She woke up alone in a completely dark room, gasping for breath, her chest heaving from the intrusion of nightmares on the few hours of peace she could meek out of the day. She wasn't hung over, the presence of Eralam with her in the bed had fed her healing meditation. She sat there, puzzled at the complete absence of light. She had no idea where the lights were, fumbling in the darkness as she tried to locate her datapad. The sudden influx of light from the small screen helped to find the lamp and she flipped it on. The messages were piling up. Her staff was about to contact the authorities, so she sent them a message that she would be ready for liftoff in an hour or two.

She glanced towards the door, fully sober now and in the cold grips of the unexpected. She didn't know what she would find on the other side of the door, but he apparently wanted her to sleep as much as she needed to. Her pounding heart slowed gradually from the jarring sensation of waking someplace other than the depths of the nightmare that had ensnared her. She scrounged some more clothes, a loose sundress that swept the floor in a dark purple. She slipped on some heels, her fingers brushing the crystal as she braided her hair out of her face. Pushing the dreams out of her mind, she pulled open the door, getting a whiff of the stew he was making in the kitchen. He looked tired and sick, and a little defeated. She knew that face all too well. The pull of the vices had worn off and he was left with the aftermath of loss. She knew the shard at her neck could bring her to him with a thought, but could it send her home the same way?

Watching him silently from behind, she could only sense regret. And considering the past conversations about his feelings for the Major, the events of the previous evening were beginning to look more than a little suspect. Perhaps now was the time for space. She cleared her throat, putting on the Imperial airs, slipping back into the mantle of Emperor. She looked around for the holoshroud, figuring it was probably the best bet she had for getting back to her ship unnoticed. Her voice barely registered above a murmur as she wanted to call as little attention as possible to her need to slip away. "I have to go. No rest for the wicked."

"I know that look. I have seen it on the faces of a fair few lovers who woke to find that the harsh realities of life sweep away the magical manic tide of foolish alcoholic decisions. Regret...is a bitch."

Her features had softened a moment, but with a sharp inhale through her nose, she shook her head. "You don't have to. I think I have caused enough damage in your world for one day. I should stick to cold hearted politician. I'm better at it." The loneliness began to creep into her chest again, pushing him out seemed the logical choice before he opened his mouth and confirmed the doubting voice shouting in her mind. The one telling her she just messed up the only friendship she had and it served her right to be alone. Alone was stronger, alone had no weaknesses. Alone had no ties, alone had no chains.

Besides, there was talk of hiding again. The thing she was tired of in her relationship with Reverance. Always the secret meetings and having to be apart and the lies. What was one more? She had everything she wanted, didn't she? She was Emperor. She was a force to be reckoned with. She had billions of subjects, millions of soldiers who bent knee to her whims. And yet the last vestiges of her humanity whispered in her mind that it wasn't enough to fill the hurt. It would never be enough to fill the hurt.

Truth be told, she was just as damaged at the core of her being as the Major was. She was just far better at pretending it didn't exist. She forced a taut smile as she looked up him, doing her best to make him believe it, but it didn't reach her eyes. So dark they could have been black pools of ink; a morose depressive fog that she had learned to live with. "Call me if you need me," a phrase that slipped off her tongue with the casual acceptance that she felt he probably wouldn't. She didn't want to see his future anymore, she didn't want to look and see if this was the last time she would see him, but the heartless bitch inside her head assured her that he would be like all the rest. Eventually he would leave her, might as well be now.

It was sudden, making her head spin, but she found herself pulled through the void only to reappear in his arms just on the other side of the room. It was romantic, melting the ice around her heart a little in that embrace as his lips found hers. There was something completely different in that kiss, something much more genuine in that moment than had been present in their drunken tryst the night before. When he categorically stated with the seriousness of war declaration that he regretted nothing about their involvement, the lump in her throat hardened, her breath still caught in her constricted windpipe. "How do you know that little voice isn't right?"

"And I'm very used to doing the stupid thing and getting more of the same." She reached up and brushed her fingertips through the edge of his hair, looking at him with a weary gaze that aged her. She felt silly in the sundress, feeling the need for her black robes and her lightsabers and the things that made sense in her world. She still had to go. The Empire wasn't going to run itself and she had work to do to rebuild the things lost to the Mandalorian crusade. His mind seemed to tell her mind that just blurting thoughts aloud was completely ok so a rambling mess just came spilling out. "Come with me. I have some things to do, stuff that can't wait. Who cares if people see us together? What's wrong with it? You're ancient, and I'm the Emperor. I seem to like to say that, don't I? It's just I am really rather excited that it worked out and Kuat was a damn mess. The senate is a bunch of crazies that shouldn't be allowed to drive let alone govern and none of this matters if I don't have someone to share it with. You're my best friend and fucking hell, I won't kiss you in public if you're worried but you can still come, I just get so damn tired of the sneaking sometimes like I am shameful to be seen with. You'd think I was a fat girl or something."

"You know what? Maybe that's not such a bad idea."

It wasn't like he had anything pressing. Adarlon was still months in the future. With Koko apparently MIA as well, he had exactly zero intel on the group that had been targeting him. Searching for Koko was effectively useless; he couldn't find her in the Force and her locator was off. Meanwhile, Dressel had been more or less running itself for decades now. There was no real reason why he couldn't dash off to Kuat or something for a few weeks.

"I mean, I wouldn't be able to stay more than a few weeks before it's time to start prepping for Adarlon, but that's time we can have together, no hiding. Hell, I'll not only kiss you in public, I'll gladly put on a display that would shame an amorous teenager if it'll help. The secrecy idea wasn't for my sake. My enemies can't attack me directly, and your enemies would break themselves trying. If you're okay with the risks, well, who am I to tell the Emperor what she can and can't do?

Hang on, is that your commlink?"

"Stew's got another hour to simmer. Surely that'll give us time to get ready."

The former Shard did an inventory of everything he'd need to bring. His bug out bag was packed, as always. His weapons were sitting in their case. All he had to do was pack some clothes and he'd be ready. Like most human males, this was a process that would simply involve dumping the requisite drawers into a bag. Easy enough.

"Want your back scrubbed?"

Eralam had his own tasks to take care of. A recall order was queued up for Dresselian forces embedded with the Major's across the galaxy. The Dresselian government was notified that he would be away for an extended period. He didn't really do much these days, but they still liked to know. Finally, he sent a similar alert to the Shard Network. If Koko was out there, she'd know how to reach him.

Once that was settled, it was time to go. Clad in a black T-shirt, dark blue jeans, black combat boots, with the customary duster over it all. On went the gun belt, with the ancient Colt on the right hip, the black rapier on the left. And in his hands was a pot of stew, still steaming.

"I'm ready when you are."