Ashrah
The Mandalorian Assembly
Posts: 329 
Affiliation: Mandalorians
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Post by Ashrah on Sept 4, 2013 11:30:10 GMT -8
The force push came, and folded around Ashrah. It had a bit of power behind it (I can only assume as it is not stated directly) and caused the man to actually grunt a little, like having the air pushed out of your chest when someone shoves you, as his armour was slammed into his chest. As the Force touched his body, it folded and dissipated, leaving a wicked bruise on his chest, and causing his legs to buckle slightly. It was a weird feeling. He hadn't felt the actually touch of the force in years, as most force users underestimated him. His right hand still arced for Zalgos back right side, the hook bladed handle still went for the front left (still in the spin), although nor as strong as he would have liked the attack to be.
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Xeonon Solomon
The First Order
Posts: 2,206
Affiliation: First Order
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Post by Xeonon Solomon on Sept 7, 2013 17:57:14 GMT -8
Well I think I am going to be a jerk and keep you guys in suspense a little longer.
Congrats on both of you to making it this far that is a feat all in itself and both of you should be extremely proud of it. However here in the GBA we can only have one winner.
Now there were many good posts from both of you but there are a few things that stood out on both sides of the fence
Zalgo Now this isnt counted against you but it is generally common courtesy to state what weapons if any you have in your first post, like wise its usually better to let your opponent come in on their own. Saying that you can see them, if you are posting first is a nay nay. Everything was going good, your use of the Dun Moch is excellent all through the duel possibly some of the best I have read in the GBA. Now your way of dealing with the slugs from the shotgun is a bit off at that close of a distance with a solid force push they could easily be slowed down but due to the distance its not as easy to push them in another direction. Try a Force Barrier the next time. At such a distance the bullets would travel nearly instantaneous which brings me into my next point. It was just the way you wrote it
"As the gun barked, he turned..." now even with force speed this would have been a hard move to pull off, in the future when you are writing its better if you wrote something like "As the gun was about to go off" Or "As the gun was brought to bear..."
Now good move taking the gun out of play, and taking damage from the shrapnel was a good call on your part.
The duel progressed for a while excellently then near the end things started to deteriorate. From both parties. It is good to have some competitiveness in a duel, however there is a point where it just doesn't make the duel flow. You can feel it in the posts near the end were neither of you were willing to compromise, both of you felt what you did was correct and it really takes away from the duel itself.
Ashrah very nice duel, especially with all the gun work. The post cut near the start with the explosive round near the start was a very nice start to the duel. It seems like everyone wants to take your gun out of play and this time was no different and you took it in stride. The inner monolouge of not caring about the Dun Moch due to your force resistance was a nice touch. This is just a personal qualm and has no effect on it but would it kill you to say a few words in the duel? Break up the monotonous reading.
The winner of this duel is Ashrah ! You wrote a little bit better, seemed to dictate the pace of the duel. Now there is no way of knowing how this duel would have actually ended but going off of what was written thus far he gets it.
If there is any further questions or concerns feel free to PM me.
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