Post by Harnan Ren on Jan 24, 2016 5:21:35 GMT -8
Harnan had long ago gotten used to the fact that Illaria was a shapeshifter, a fact she had never once hidden from him since the day they had met, and even though he knew that her prefered appearance of a Firrerreoan was not her true form, it had never once stopped from from caring for her. There was honestly something quite promising about the idea that she could reform her whole body into what ever form she chose, no matter what it was. Even as she remained evasive about the exact nature of her relationship with Nicademus, her accusations that he too was being evasive struck a chord within him. Neither one of them seemed to want to be entirely honest with the other, but how could they, especially when the stakes were so high in this game. A small part of him yearned to tell her to truth in that moment, to profess his feelings for her, but even as out of touch as he was, he knew that right now was not the right moment to say anything. So, he had remained quite as he had went about his business.
He had known that she would take his jest to heart, but it was one of the only ways he knew how to deal with the feelings he had for her, as the conflicted with the jealousy he felt. He could tell he had pushed a little too far this time, as she stalked over to him and sklapped him, his head briefly flinching in recoil from the slap, before he looked down at her. Whilst deep down a part of him knew that her emotions had gotten the better of her, and that he should not take her words to heart, in that moment, they struck blows to him like no enemy had been able to. As she cut herself short, and began to step away, he felt himself no longer able to stop himself
We can never be what? Tell me, Illaria, what can't we ever be?
His words fell on deaf ears though, as a smiled crossed her face and she looked up at him, and spoke the one sentence that dealt the most fatal blow of all to him. His shoulders went slack, causing the body of the young Jedi girl to fall to the ground, and Where before there had been anger, jealousy, love, joy, and hope in his eyes, it was replaced nothingness, as the one person in the galaxy that he cared for, rebuked him, and took from him everything that he lived for. He didn't even try to defend himself as she exploded, the sheer raw, untapped power of the force sending him flying back through the air, time seeming to slow down for him as he was knocked off his feet. But even so, he did nothing to stop himself as he flew across the clearing, hitting the ground with unbelievable force, before his momentum sent him back into the air as his body went limp and he rolled through the air, impacting the ground a couple of more times, before at last he came to a stop face up, his arms sprawled out on the ground, his legs laying close together.
His head fell to the side away from Illaria as he laid there, his eyes closed and not breathing. But as his body remained broken upon the ground, his mind began to wonder through the current of the force, as time began to warp seconds into hours, into days. He suddenly found himself sitting upon a rock on a beach, the sun setting as he wondered just where in the galaxy he was and how he had gotten here. He could remember flying through the air, and the pain as his body impacted the ground several times, his thoughts drifting to the idea that perhaps choosing not to wear any armour on this expedition had been a poor decision on his part. But even so, he could surely have protected himself with the force from what ever attack that had lead up to flying through the air, but why hadn't he done so. Why had he stood there and just let himself be attacked. He suddenly held his head as a pain flashed through it, the sun briefly flashing to an image of Illaria looking up at him and speaking. She had said something to him, said that he had shackled her to him, said that he was no better than the Jedi.
His hand moved to his chest, as he felt like he had been pierced by the shaft of an arrow. It was then, that a transparent, but white glowing hand placed itself atop his, the discomfort easing as he looked up to see Illaria floating before him. He knew that he had brought this upon himself, by not acting sooner, by allowing jealousy to cloud his judgement as he pushed her for answers, and ultimately upset her. All too often she had said things in anger that she did not mean, and he could forgive her for them, after all, without realizing it, he had tried to control her, and do the thing he had hated the Jedi for. He felt another surge of pain shoot through him, as he remembered the words she had used against him. Although the other Knights of Ren knew much of his history as a Knight of Zakuul, only Illaria knew his deepest secrets, knew his disdain for the Jedi and Sith for imprisoning him in a frozen cell for three thousand years, banishing him from his own homeworld. His desire to enact vengeance upon the Jedi had only been strengthened by that which the Jedi had done to Illaria, and they were not prepared for the justice that he would rain down upon them.
But for her to compare him to them, it had broken him on the most personal and deepest of levels. That had been why he gave no resisitance as she had attacked him in anger, why he had flown through the air, ready to embrace death as he lay there on the ground in the physical world. His attempt to keep her close had done nothing but push her further from him, he had failed in his charge to protect her, to be with her, to love her. He slumped forward as he sat upon that rock, watching the sun continue to set, the world around him growing darker as his hope was shattered, and his will was cast aside. The last rays of the sun were barely peeking over the horizon, all light fading from the world, as he wondered why he still felt a light upon him, keeping him warm as everything else became cold and frozen. The hand then rested upon his cheek, before he looked up at the manifestation of Illaria that remained floating before him, his left hand moving up to rest upon hers, whilst his right rested upon her wrist as she smiled at him
Do not give into dispair so easily Harnan...
I have failed you. Failed the oath that I swore to you. I was so blinded by my fear of losing you to another, that I pushed you further away...
You have not failed yet Lord Ren. You above all others, should know that what was said, was not meant. But if you give up and die now, not only will you have truly failed your oath, but you will go into the after life as traitor. Could you really leave her alone like this, to blame herself for killing you in her anger? It wouldn't matter who the Master found to replace you then, she would be lost...
Would she not be better off if I were dead? Nicademus could have her, protect her from what she had done...
We both know that's not true. He may hold her heart now, but compared to the grief of killing you, and the power that the Master holds, he is little more than a blade of grass in the wind. Do not leave her Harnan. Be angry with her, be upset, let your emotions take hold of you. But do not die on her, by her hand. Let that fall to another that is not her. For her sake, you must continue to live, so that she can be happy, and is that not what you want for her? to be happy?
She was right, he had only ever pledged for her to be happy, but never had that been on the previso that she would be with him. But even so, that did not change how he felt about her. Suddenly the semi-transparent form of Illaria faded away, leaving him sitting upon the rock alone in the darkness, as it felt like years passed him by. Could he really do this? could he really die on Illaria right now, and leave her as the one to have killed him? a voice in the darkness then whispered to him, tempting him to do it. She had made him suffer, had destroyed him, so should he not do the same to her? would not that be the perfect revenge to not only leave her with the guilt of what she had done, but also destroy any relationship she could have with Nicademus. He shook his head, as he almost felt himself give in to the voices within the darkness.
No, he couldn't do such a thing, not to Illaria. Even if she hated him, got angry at him for what he had said, h knew that she did not mean what she had said, and that she would not wish for him to be dead no matter how angry he made her. As he closed his eyes, he felt the force flowing around him, as he returned to his body, which had remained still for a couple of minutes, with neither a breath nor heart beat. Suddenly a rush of pain coursed through his being, as his heart beat once more, and his burst open as he inhaled sharply, his head rolling back to face towards the sky as he took several more sharp breaths. His mind began to clash with competing thoughts as he turned his head slightly to look at Illaria as she stood there. Even if she loved another and found happiness with them, he could not strike such a blow by dying on her, and leaving her alone in this life. But neither could he so easily forgive her for the words she had spoken, as he sat up, grabbing just his left arm just past the shoulder and sharply yanked it, the joint popping back into place with a loud crack. He gave his arm a couple rolls, making sure he still had enough movement in it, before turning his attention to the rest of his body, which was covered in a mixture of bruises and scratches.
He was certain he had probably cracked a rib or two, but he was not going to let that stop him as he pulled himself up off the ground, grimacing at the pain that shot through him. But he did not waste a single movement as he reached across and grabbed the lightsaber he had taken from the jedi, pressing the activator switch as he swung it across his body and held the blade aloft, whilst his other hand was pressed to his side. He probably looked like road kill as he stood there, barely able to stand as he gathered the force to him, and he lifted his gaze to meet Illaria's, with a look of anger that would have left her in sheer agony had he ever learned to use deadly sight
You know... I can forgive you a lot of things Illaria, because I know I pushed too hard, and your emotions spoke for you... But you crossed a line with that last remark...
He then swung his blade up and leveled it at her as he called upon the force to help ignore the pain he felt, knowing that he was about to challenge her to a fight that he was going to put his all into. She would not hold back, and he needed her not to, so that he could be beaten by her, and forgive her on his own terms, and not just because he felt he had to because of all they had been through and all that he was to her and all she was to him
Draw your blade! Let's settle this like we should! No holds barred!
He then let his arm fall to his side, whilst he thrust his left hand forward, aiming a blast of force energy towards her to push her back as he started to advance toward her. Even if he was not injured, Harnan knew he had a type disadvantage in this fight, since he was very much a physical tank, whilst Illaria was an illusive caster. She could assault him with long range attacks all day, and he would not lay a single strike upon her, but that did not mean he would not try to
He had known that she would take his jest to heart, but it was one of the only ways he knew how to deal with the feelings he had for her, as the conflicted with the jealousy he felt. He could tell he had pushed a little too far this time, as she stalked over to him and sklapped him, his head briefly flinching in recoil from the slap, before he looked down at her. Whilst deep down a part of him knew that her emotions had gotten the better of her, and that he should not take her words to heart, in that moment, they struck blows to him like no enemy had been able to. As she cut herself short, and began to step away, he felt himself no longer able to stop himself
We can never be what? Tell me, Illaria, what can't we ever be?
His words fell on deaf ears though, as a smiled crossed her face and she looked up at him, and spoke the one sentence that dealt the most fatal blow of all to him. His shoulders went slack, causing the body of the young Jedi girl to fall to the ground, and Where before there had been anger, jealousy, love, joy, and hope in his eyes, it was replaced nothingness, as the one person in the galaxy that he cared for, rebuked him, and took from him everything that he lived for. He didn't even try to defend himself as she exploded, the sheer raw, untapped power of the force sending him flying back through the air, time seeming to slow down for him as he was knocked off his feet. But even so, he did nothing to stop himself as he flew across the clearing, hitting the ground with unbelievable force, before his momentum sent him back into the air as his body went limp and he rolled through the air, impacting the ground a couple of more times, before at last he came to a stop face up, his arms sprawled out on the ground, his legs laying close together.
His head fell to the side away from Illaria as he laid there, his eyes closed and not breathing. But as his body remained broken upon the ground, his mind began to wonder through the current of the force, as time began to warp seconds into hours, into days. He suddenly found himself sitting upon a rock on a beach, the sun setting as he wondered just where in the galaxy he was and how he had gotten here. He could remember flying through the air, and the pain as his body impacted the ground several times, his thoughts drifting to the idea that perhaps choosing not to wear any armour on this expedition had been a poor decision on his part. But even so, he could surely have protected himself with the force from what ever attack that had lead up to flying through the air, but why hadn't he done so. Why had he stood there and just let himself be attacked. He suddenly held his head as a pain flashed through it, the sun briefly flashing to an image of Illaria looking up at him and speaking. She had said something to him, said that he had shackled her to him, said that he was no better than the Jedi.
His hand moved to his chest, as he felt like he had been pierced by the shaft of an arrow. It was then, that a transparent, but white glowing hand placed itself atop his, the discomfort easing as he looked up to see Illaria floating before him. He knew that he had brought this upon himself, by not acting sooner, by allowing jealousy to cloud his judgement as he pushed her for answers, and ultimately upset her. All too often she had said things in anger that she did not mean, and he could forgive her for them, after all, without realizing it, he had tried to control her, and do the thing he had hated the Jedi for. He felt another surge of pain shoot through him, as he remembered the words she had used against him. Although the other Knights of Ren knew much of his history as a Knight of Zakuul, only Illaria knew his deepest secrets, knew his disdain for the Jedi and Sith for imprisoning him in a frozen cell for three thousand years, banishing him from his own homeworld. His desire to enact vengeance upon the Jedi had only been strengthened by that which the Jedi had done to Illaria, and they were not prepared for the justice that he would rain down upon them.
But for her to compare him to them, it had broken him on the most personal and deepest of levels. That had been why he gave no resisitance as she had attacked him in anger, why he had flown through the air, ready to embrace death as he lay there on the ground in the physical world. His attempt to keep her close had done nothing but push her further from him, he had failed in his charge to protect her, to be with her, to love her. He slumped forward as he sat upon that rock, watching the sun continue to set, the world around him growing darker as his hope was shattered, and his will was cast aside. The last rays of the sun were barely peeking over the horizon, all light fading from the world, as he wondered why he still felt a light upon him, keeping him warm as everything else became cold and frozen. The hand then rested upon his cheek, before he looked up at the manifestation of Illaria that remained floating before him, his left hand moving up to rest upon hers, whilst his right rested upon her wrist as she smiled at him
Do not give into dispair so easily Harnan...
I have failed you. Failed the oath that I swore to you. I was so blinded by my fear of losing you to another, that I pushed you further away...
You have not failed yet Lord Ren. You above all others, should know that what was said, was not meant. But if you give up and die now, not only will you have truly failed your oath, but you will go into the after life as traitor. Could you really leave her alone like this, to blame herself for killing you in her anger? It wouldn't matter who the Master found to replace you then, she would be lost...
Would she not be better off if I were dead? Nicademus could have her, protect her from what she had done...
We both know that's not true. He may hold her heart now, but compared to the grief of killing you, and the power that the Master holds, he is little more than a blade of grass in the wind. Do not leave her Harnan. Be angry with her, be upset, let your emotions take hold of you. But do not die on her, by her hand. Let that fall to another that is not her. For her sake, you must continue to live, so that she can be happy, and is that not what you want for her? to be happy?
She was right, he had only ever pledged for her to be happy, but never had that been on the previso that she would be with him. But even so, that did not change how he felt about her. Suddenly the semi-transparent form of Illaria faded away, leaving him sitting upon the rock alone in the darkness, as it felt like years passed him by. Could he really do this? could he really die on Illaria right now, and leave her as the one to have killed him? a voice in the darkness then whispered to him, tempting him to do it. She had made him suffer, had destroyed him, so should he not do the same to her? would not that be the perfect revenge to not only leave her with the guilt of what she had done, but also destroy any relationship she could have with Nicademus. He shook his head, as he almost felt himself give in to the voices within the darkness.
No, he couldn't do such a thing, not to Illaria. Even if she hated him, got angry at him for what he had said, h knew that she did not mean what she had said, and that she would not wish for him to be dead no matter how angry he made her. As he closed his eyes, he felt the force flowing around him, as he returned to his body, which had remained still for a couple of minutes, with neither a breath nor heart beat. Suddenly a rush of pain coursed through his being, as his heart beat once more, and his burst open as he inhaled sharply, his head rolling back to face towards the sky as he took several more sharp breaths. His mind began to clash with competing thoughts as he turned his head slightly to look at Illaria as she stood there. Even if she loved another and found happiness with them, he could not strike such a blow by dying on her, and leaving her alone in this life. But neither could he so easily forgive her for the words she had spoken, as he sat up, grabbing just his left arm just past the shoulder and sharply yanked it, the joint popping back into place with a loud crack. He gave his arm a couple rolls, making sure he still had enough movement in it, before turning his attention to the rest of his body, which was covered in a mixture of bruises and scratches.
He was certain he had probably cracked a rib or two, but he was not going to let that stop him as he pulled himself up off the ground, grimacing at the pain that shot through him. But he did not waste a single movement as he reached across and grabbed the lightsaber he had taken from the jedi, pressing the activator switch as he swung it across his body and held the blade aloft, whilst his other hand was pressed to his side. He probably looked like road kill as he stood there, barely able to stand as he gathered the force to him, and he lifted his gaze to meet Illaria's, with a look of anger that would have left her in sheer agony had he ever learned to use deadly sight
You know... I can forgive you a lot of things Illaria, because I know I pushed too hard, and your emotions spoke for you... But you crossed a line with that last remark...
He then swung his blade up and leveled it at her as he called upon the force to help ignore the pain he felt, knowing that he was about to challenge her to a fight that he was going to put his all into. She would not hold back, and he needed her not to, so that he could be beaten by her, and forgive her on his own terms, and not just because he felt he had to because of all they had been through and all that he was to her and all she was to him
Draw your blade! Let's settle this like we should! No holds barred!
He then let his arm fall to his side, whilst he thrust his left hand forward, aiming a blast of force energy towards her to push her back as he started to advance toward her. Even if he was not injured, Harnan knew he had a type disadvantage in this fight, since he was very much a physical tank, whilst Illaria was an illusive caster. She could assault him with long range attacks all day, and he would not lay a single strike upon her, but that did not mean he would not try to